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We've talked every night for xxx days (not including the dinner/opera show I took you to on Saturday night that was followed by possibly your worst performance in bed ever, or the Monday night that I came over and we spent the evening making Rachel Ray recipes and watching Heroes followed by the best oral sex I've ever given you), with conversation time averaging about an hour per night. On a Thursday night, when on a deadline, I express a need to get off the so I can finish some work and go to bed at a reasonable hour. You: a) Express your feelings of devotion in three words or less, then and quickly say goodbye after confirming plans for tomorrow night are still on. b) Say goodbye, but then immediately begin talking about something that we hadn't discussed as thoroughly as is scientifiy, legally or religiously possible xxx nights prior. c) Take that as a sign that I'm abandoning you, and begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry. d) Say goodbye, but manage to do it with such menace and venom that I stay on the for another three silence filled hours, broken only by fits of gentle weeping and suicide threats. Q x . I'm throwing change at your cleavage, which is readily on display in that loose fitting tank top you wear around my place on Sundays after brunch. Do you: a) Wing the largest of the coins at my head, with an evil glare and then refuse to speak to me for the rest of the day. b) Encourage my behavior, and allow me to purchase Afternoon Delights from you at discount prices. c) Cry. d) Cry and pick a fight with me, taking my actions as a total lack of respect for you and then begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry some more. Q x . We're having a fight. You: a) Throw me out of your apartment, then thirty minutes later send x texts and attempt to x times in the space of xxx minutes. b) Give me space when the discussion gets too heated for rational thought, and redress your complaints in a calm manner when we've both had a chance to cool down. c) Flip me the bird. d) Wail on my junk. e) both c and d f) realize that the fight is about nothing, and begin creating fictional problems and make wild accusations about my obsession with material goods and having a wandering eye. g) f, then d, then c. Q x . I play [video games OR tabletop gaming OR fantasy football]. You: a) Want to join in, because it looks like hella fun. b) Leave me to it, in the hopes that I'll leave you a few things to participate in on your own. c) Attempt to get me to quit, and use tactics like nagging, vandalism and emotional sabotage as an effective campaign against what you my 'nerdy addiction.' d) c, but also include deriding me to your friends. Section Two: True or False (Answer All, x points) When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it. Q x . Rationale and Reason are the same thing. Q x . A cheerleader AND/OR schoolgirl outfit is a wardrobe must. Q x . Talking in your 'cute voice' just before you put my balls in my mouth is sexy. Q x . Learning body language and communication cues is important. Q x . 'Anchorman' and 'Superbad' are hilarious movies. Q x . "But it's cute when I do it" should be a legally viable defense. Q x . Chest hair is sexy. Q x . Bono is probably the most important political figure of our generation. Q x . Sex is an important part of a relationship, and should be hadneed a partner this weekend in Morrisville Vermont frequently, woman spanking men salon on Norfolk often, whenever possible - within moderation, of course. Q x . A relationship is metaphoriy a xxx way street. So is your butt. Section Three: Short Essay. (Answer ONE, x points) Please select xxx of the following questions and answer it as fully as time will allow. Please try and be as descriptive as possible, and where applicable, come up with at least xxx convincing arguments to support your case. Arguments must be backed up with cited evidence, not anecdotal perspective. Q x . If I was a crime-fighting vigilante by night, what efforts would you make to support my cause about the rising threat of evil in this city? Q x . Please come up with a convincing game-plan for having me come shopping with you, keeping in mind my retail oriented attention span is about twelve minutes, and I am prone to wandering after flashing lights and shiny things. Q x . Please argue why you are (do) or are not (do not): 'Down to Earth', 'Have a sense of humor' and 'Laid back'. Bonus if you can include evidence to confirm that you truly do avoid 'head games.' Please submit answers via the email link provided. Please also keep a copy of this test and your answers to submit to future suitors for reference. Remember to ensure your name, number and bra size are clearly written at the top of your paper, and don't forget to attach a photo ( x / x length or full).
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